The irony is, this blogs pretty invisible...so it fits with what i'll say. -sigh-
well first it's sort of..... i dont understand the benefits of growing up and becoming and adult. You get stuck with bills and rent and lack of jobs and housing problems and relationship problems and taxes and uni fees and work and you are always so stressed out and under so much pressure.
i dont see how everything you sacrifice as child to grow up is worth it because you dont get any real benefit. and no, legally being allowed alcohol and sex and all that crap is not a real benefit as it doesnt out way how much shit you have to deal with growing up. at all.
okay....i need to explain something, it'll sound od d but bare with it. it may make sense at some point.
i'm 18, i've never had a boyfriend or girlfriend, or a first kiss, or sex, or anything.
in fact, i've never even had a crush on anyone.
possibly i'm assexual, but wouldnt that mean i dont want any of this also? Because i know that i do want to be in love with someone, i'd love nothing more.
it's really tiresome and annoying being the only one out of all your friends alone. always alone, and any boys that do ask me out are stalkerish and reallly creepy (not being mean, just trueful.)
at the same time. You know how the majority of people have that one best friend they are alllllways associated with. the one best friend that you always link them together, there isnt one with out the other.
well, i'm also the only one in all my groups of friends without that.
so if some of them are couples, and some of them have that one best friend they're always with.
yet again i'm always the one singled out or the third wheel. everytime.
after a while it gets irritating beyond belief, but they're my friends and i love them, so i just deal with it and try and get attention by being my usual hyper self.
but i get forgotten a lot (dont know HOW; i'm so loud and hyper and crazy) and my friends often forget i'm there.
if anyone has watched/read an anime/manga called Hetalia. Think of it like; america's personality....in canada's body.
crazy hyper, yet has the body awareness of air.
so this basically brings me to why i'm upset. because today i had to quit my stage school i've been attending since i was 7. the people there were my closest friends and family......and because of the work load from university, i've had to quit and say good bye.....and it's so heartbreaking for me, cause they were my family. and no one.
not anyone from uni or college or expo could ever replace that or know me as well as them.it was like I was an integral part of that family because I had been there so long, I had a place there and always felt safe there like I had some where I belonged, even if I was a rubbish dancer.
But in all honesty, I know that no one (apart from HFHS mates) will ever I don't really know...love me? It's an odd thing to say but I know that, all of my friends I absolutely love, because I view them has family. But I know that in a lot of my friends eyes I'm just one of many friends yes? It's logic and understandible. But it's saddening when a friend you considered a good friend no longer talks to you as much.
It's also sad that since I don't have a bf/gf/(who knows) or that one best friend....I don't have anyone to really confide in. Because I know that they are either preoccupied with their college/university work, wrapped up in their love lives, or personal problems.
Also understandible...but I feel sad that they can always come to me for advice or comfort and I'll gladly help and be worried....yet I know I cannot do this visa versa....because sometimes they just don't care, yes?
I'm not sure what I'm getting at any more but I guess I just feel like....
It's cliché but...
I have tons of friends, and a few good close friends.
I feel as though....I'm that person who is lonely, when surrounded by a crowd of people.
I just hope one day I meet someone who is for me, and me alone and I'm for them only aswell XD
Gah I'm just so optimistic even when depressed. Sorry for ramblig for forever :3
Things will look up soon. One day at least.
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